The broken shoes

I'm still waiting for my work to start, so that I'm able to changed away this old shoes. Wearing this shoes for my driving test. Definitely will bring me luck, it went through many rain and storm and driving lesson.:)

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Daily inspirational quotes- Self Esteem

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. Nathaniel Branden

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Interview

Went for interview at recruit-express, it's offer $8/hrs. The consultant jamie asked whether I wanted to work saturday, maybe a half day work. I declined and said i wanted a five day work. Many of the admin job required a 5.5 days work. But I would prefer like a normal working adult, not having to burn my Saturday. She says she got a IT job offer on hand, with the same salary of $8/hrs, i accepted the invitation. Later the today she will send the email to the company. I hope I will get into it, because the location is at tampines. If I'm not short-listed, I might take the other offer with a 5 day work, but with $6 pay. I hope to get into the IT job.

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我

事情的好坏，往往就决定在那一念之间。我的脑筋每一次都在跟我玩耍，每次都告诉我，不行，不可以。无法相信自己的能力。我会努力的破除这一个境界，然我自己跟上一成楼。

在这段期间，渐渐地了解我内心的一些些，一直以来，都面对自我相信的能力，好怕失败，我怕被拒绝。所以我做事总是特别小心，情况总是不会出乎意料之外。小心翼翼。我的性格内向，不敢尝试新东西，所以生命的色彩非常一般，性格发展也没有很大的突破。简简单单的一个我。

其实我很好玩，我喜欢与人互动，很喜欢见识新的玩而，自要稍微推我一把，我保证，我会信心大阵，勇敢尝试。一个人的时候，我的脑海里会思想，会回顾过去的点点滴滴，看看事发的我开心吗，是否对那一面的我感到满意。那是因为我没有真正的去体会那里的一切，所以才会有所感想。

看到这面的我，我感到很欣慰，至少我知道我应该进步的地方。

外向的我有是这么样的呢？是当每一人在期待我的举动时，我就会特别开心，展示我的快乐与表达出来。

我希望有一天能够遇上一个能让我成为一个善于表达，能带出我的最好的一面的人，完成那一个我，让我的心声的到完整。

原天下太平，原事事都能得到圆满，原世间有情人能够相遇，圆满那份爱，原世间的单身，能够忠诚眷属。

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Love story

Fated seems to play for those people who really likes each other. I admire the guts that my friend had. Somehow when i read the story, i've got a strong intuitive that the love story is gonna blossom out, There gonna be an ending. I really believe if you really fall for this someone, truthfully, without an doubts, the attraction that last in your mind, regardless of the time,place, situation you are in, the memories will be still deeply captured in mind.
Most important reminder to myself: Never ever fall for someone because you need to. While i'm still young, i guess i won't have to worry about my future. What come will come. Ignore all the belief of fighting for love, if it is meant to be, it will come naturally, there isn't a need to overdose myself with all the social online date. Love should come naturally, automatically.

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Hard Truths

Some of the hard truths about myself, it's 4.06am, i'm tired, but i just wanted to blog so much, if not i will just lose the feeling and thought at this particular moment in time.

Past weeks has been torturing, has been low, down and usual. bored, lifeless, colorless. It's very low and down, a feeling of loneliness, moodiness, colorless, lifeless. It's has been months since the start of my intern. Many colors in my life just faded away day by day since my intern started.

i'm a goalless person, i have no great dreams for me to achieve, i have no personal conviction, i'm as plain as a white t-shirt. i will want to stay the way i'm. But it doesn't bring any new life to my life."Dreams are important, without dreams, our life is gonna be meaningless" from one of the World's Strictest Parents series that i've watched. I pushed myself, to find my dream and goal in life for the past few weeks, i put to thought of being alone for a period of time, using the time to reflect and use this time to think and ask myself what i'm good for this life. I tried, many days of being alone at home. It's doesn't help. It's just seem so colorless.I know what i need, Colors. Colors in my life. Through the period of being alone, i'm determined to find my passion in life, my interest. I'm one who doesn't has extremely interest in something. I've many interests. Water-sports,Cycling, Jogging, Internet, Skating, Nature & exploration. ok, not many, but these are main. They are the so call undeveloped interest. Because i don't have extreme passion in them. Yes, so this is like the external me. Internal me?

i'm a people person, i need a lot of assurance from people in order to boost my esteem, i love to be in the limelight/centre-stage between people. i love to be appreciated, i love to be loved by people around me, i love people to call me up. i love people to ask me how's my day. My level of life-fufillment is defined by the people around me.If i'm around them and i joke around and tease around with them, they are happy, i'm happy. Because i make a difference. i would say us the assurance from people, i need people company in doing things too, its makes me more confident than doing it alone. The reason why i love ikea so much is because of the people. because i feel like the centre-staged when i work there. Like the core of the people whom co-workers can relate too. i love interaction. In a place where i know everybody and everybody knows me, I will display the true me. Because of the comfort-level i'm at. Why i can't excel and find joy in my intern place is because i'm not the centre-staged. I cannot relate to everyone over there. I cannot be myself. Maybe every much i'm afraid of judging if i display my real-self. I kept in low. Low-spirit work environment also. Extremely quiet, i cannot accept. i need to hear noise and perhaps joy, and laughter from the people there. The truth is, i wanted to be myself when i work over there, upon opening the door, i told myself, i will hum my songs while i walk-in. When i just went down after i stepped-in. Assurance and allowance i need from the people there is the key that i need, so that i can opened-up myself. i chatted with my cell-group members regards to this problem, one of them told me, office-culture are normally like this, from another, to start the culture of happy environment, it must start from you.And i took it all, but still left the workplace without changes.Therefore i can conclude that i'm person with in-securities. Assurance is exactly the cure for insecurities. What about giving myself the securities? That like an adrenaline, it only last for awhile and i'm revert back to normal. A lot of time is if they allow, i will. i'm not the kind of i'm who i'm, i can display myself up there without anything that bother. Is like putting a bomb out in there centre and see whether people will see the bomb. Unsafe. While in a place whereby people accepts you, they put on an armor for you and not you putting it on for yourself. The armor they put for you is of-course with much more honor than the one you put on yourself.I don't want to spread negativism in my blog, therefore i will hide it until i find an answer than i will blog about it. Another reason why i'm afraid of army is not because of the tough training. It's because of the people, i fear of rejection again. An image of me during my primary four float up in my mind, many eyes staring. Fear of rejection is the number 1 reason for suicide. Another image of the channel 8 drama come out, when the guy wanted to jump down because he injected harm to his grandma. Fear of rejection. I don't really know the core reason of my fear in rejection, but i really need to overcome it.

i've a strong conviction if this core this cured, i will be a person of a greater confidence towards everything in life. i need what i want, what i need most of the time. While the dreams and goals will hang there for the time being, perhaps when the core is solved, dreams and goals will comes?

i also believe that the people you mixes with make the person you are. i need to expose myself to more people and friends. So i can see what other i seeing and what i'm not seeing. It will brought to another point of not accepting for who i'm. I accept it i guess, just that i'm changing it for the better. Any comments are welcomed. Night! I need a life teacher perhaps. Someone to tell me many many stuff about life, but not hiding my personal values. Zhaos.

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