Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Time
There used to very little time in the past. In the past 21 years, from 0-18. It's our teenage years, the life where we have fun, the growing up years whereby we wanted to have a lot of money, to do my things we all want at that time. Age 18-21, the time where we are much more independent and given more freedom. The period when many will go through a different experience, a few may be in the polytechnic, a couple in the junior college. Both stepping into the tertiary, and spent majority of the time mugging. For some of my friends, they go through changes during this period,. From quiet to active, the determines, from plump to slim. Moving forward, I'm in next phase, National Service. This is the stage where many poly graduates who couldn't make it to local university will take a pause with their life and think about their next step.Those will made it will come into this stage after university graduation. The government pushes us from infant, all the way up to this stage, where they stop putting the path for us. What I want to emphasize is about the stage where everybody will come upon. It important to take this pause and truly think about what we want to do for the subsequently years of our life. Vision that will path our directions.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Deepen.
Laughing away with my past post. haiyoyo. The problems i facing months ago are still here. looking through and found my post are mostly acoused around my feelings about myself. if i'm reader of my past post, i will close the window and carry on. rather than talking about it, i should really start some action movement about my life. i will see what i can do. best of luck!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Reflections for this book out(23/09/12)
Somehow, I don't feel the closeness of army, the bond of platoon one. In the midst of believing in sowing and building relationship. Being the one who can bring the every individual together. It's isn't easy, it's like workplace. Meeting people, everyone we met, we might not like. But guess what, the in-depth theory of building relationship is display high level of interest in the individual. That's how relationship starts. Still, I will keep a positive aspect towards it. The thought of my csm, a little bit fearful of him. Inferior feeling. Because of the blur me in camp. He has some impression of me. But hold on, press on. And not give up and giving in to that impression he has. Got to renew my mind against the mindset. Yeah. Trying my best to shake of that image. While in other aspect. In NS, I kinda understand myself more. My characteristics and personality. Some of the weakness:
Giving up easier and doing half-standard work. I always do things to meet the requirement and I will give up or stop trying that hard. To really understand that attitude. It's not gonna bring me far in life. Or should I say, I should strive to be better. My latest vision is to become a better person. Being someone who gives the 100% in everything I do. In return to realise the full potential in every given task. To see what I'm made off. Seeing the work of 100%. And striving to be the salt and light of the world. Answering and fulfilling one of the core values in Every Christian. On the other hand, I want to see another side of me. A confident and courageous me. A brighter future! I need some sermons backup. It's time to standup and be the salt and light for God and bringing the best out of me. The pondering thoughts for this book out. Because I realised I haven really been giving may best. I want to try doing that. And to see the works of 100%! Not really sure of doing that. But holding in on to this vision of mine! Faith hope love, most importantly, love!
Giving up easier and doing half-standard work. I always do things to meet the requirement and I will give up or stop trying that hard. To really understand that attitude. It's not gonna bring me far in life. Or should I say, I should strive to be better. My latest vision is to become a better person. Being someone who gives the 100% in everything I do. In return to realise the full potential in every given task. To see what I'm made off. Seeing the work of 100%. And striving to be the salt and light of the world. Answering and fulfilling one of the core values in Every Christian. On the other hand, I want to see another side of me. A confident and courageous me. A brighter future! I need some sermons backup. It's time to standup and be the salt and light for God and bringing the best out of me. The pondering thoughts for this book out. Because I realised I haven really been giving may best. I want to try doing that. And to see the works of 100%! Not really sure of doing that. But holding in on to this vision of mine! Faith hope love, most importantly, love!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Random post in camp
In the bunk having free time. pretty nice and relax. while im thinking to blog as much as possible. today we have quite a interesting activity with my section mates. Take out a piece of paper, drew the outline of my palm on both sides. And write my name on top and pass the paper around the circle for my section mates. one side will write the good point of me, the other side will write the bad side of me. pretty interesting. Some of the things that my section mates wrote, the bad side. "fat." Good side has pretty much better comments, "hardworking, friendly, nice guy 91 etc" actually i expected more things on the bad side of me.actually not having them telling me, i know the bad side of me.
"NATO No Action Talk Only"
"Not putting in 100% in training"
"Lazy"
"Poor in physical Fitness"
"Not working hard enough"
And one of my section mates commented:"have the won't fall out face, but when doing training,do half standard"
And i was all along like this. from secondary school until poly until army. Saying that i will train hard, but till then. still not working hard enough.
My tummy says it all.
Another side of me telling me, everyone got the strength and weakness, just that my weakness is physical fitness.
3 more weeks to pop, i gamble on my own to take the consequences if i don't pass ippt.
i believe in self-motivation, when it comes, everything will change.
apparently its hasn't really arrive. Don't judge me, because i'm unique.
"NATO No Action Talk Only"
"Not putting in 100% in training"
"Lazy"
"Poor in physical Fitness"
"Not working hard enough"
And one of my section mates commented:"have the won't fall out face, but when doing training,do half standard"
And i was all along like this. from secondary school until poly until army. Saying that i will train hard, but till then. still not working hard enough.
My tummy says it all.
Another side of me telling me, everyone got the strength and weakness, just that my weakness is physical fitness.
3 more weeks to pop, i gamble on my own to take the consequences if i don't pass ippt.
i believe in self-motivation, when it comes, everything will change.
apparently its hasn't really arrive. Don't judge me, because i'm unique.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Exercising
Exercising is a very amazing activity. Although I failed my ippt, but miracles-sly I feel damn good and awesome about myself. It's seem that the big problem that i worry seem much much smaller. Feel damn great about it. Can't remember exactly where I heard it, from church or friend. Exercising release a great amount of endorphin in the brain that will make one feels good. Such a good way to release stress. While on my way back to company line, I was thinking to myself, next time I will get a wife who loves to run. Then we can keep fit and stay healthy and bond together. National Service successfully build up my running foundation. I can run pretty well with my breathing technique. Much of a momentum that's keeping the run until its reaches the good. And the amazing thing is when I feel good, started to change my inwards feeling, resulted in a happy outwards expression. And my sections mates saying that I have the look of a pervert, that kind of uncle that will sit in coffees hop in the future and drink beer plus a beer belly. Yeah. Of course not. I often see myself as a successful person, in a formal attire and a briefcase with a nice hair, smiling. It's like a poster in my hardcore memory. Regards ippt. I think people will think that I'm a NATO, No Action, Talk Only. After several PC's interview, I kept giving assurance that I will try my best, but ended up in little result or no improvement. Yah. Sad much. But still stay positive. I'm too positive in some sense maybe. Maybe when the clock strike 12 then I will start to wake up and work my ass off. I really really want, but but but. That kind of me. Isn't attractive at all. Girls often look for stable man of words of promise, capable etc. I'm capable, but not in the physical way yet! I hate to say not in a physical way, because if other people can, I can. I often have this inner struggles when I want to push myself. The solution? Don't think so much and just do. Do it with a goal and a motivation of doing it for my family, giving my best to them. I express myself like a girl isn't it? I feel so. But don't care much. The other side of me. Thank you My God Head, 3 in One. Holy Spirit, Father, God. 
Monday, September 10, 2012
Field Camp experience
It's isn't tough, but it's make me realize more things about myself. And learning points that I learnt,through the activities. The defining moment was capturing when I managed to overcome what I thought I'm unable to do it. It's was a task to dig shell-scrape. We are individually allocated to a empty soil land, and are to dig the shell-scrape about our body size and of a certain depth for us to hide well. We are giving 2 hours at the start. When people starting digging, I'm still in the midst of measuring the outline of the shell-scrape. When I starting using the ET stick and blade, I realized the soil is damn hard. My mind already started to give up and even if it given a day for me to dug. I wouldn't have completed it. None the less, I still try my best to dig as much as possible. But the process was slow. Soon after few hours, the commanders gathered us and give us a good lecture. The letter which our parent wrote for us came into place, ignite a spark in us to work hard and doing our best even though we are going through toughness. We got back, dug doubling hard. Kept telling myself, I'm doing this for my family. There always this saying of sowing and reaping. How hard you sow equal to how hard you reap. Actually digging shell-scrape its not that hard, as long as I continue to put in effort. I will see the fruit. It's goes like this. The ground soil has two layers, the hard soil on top, the soft soil beneath. The soft soil is the catch. I got to dug through the hard soil in order to see the soft soil. When the soft soil revealed. Everything will be done much faster, because there another method that can be apply. Using the soft soil to crack the hard soil on top, and the shell-scrape will be soon completed. I guess many things in life is like this, it's seem hard at first, but as long as I persist, I see eventually see the fruits. It's encouraged me greatly. Will remember this experience.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
New post new post. Update update liao.
Christian songs play from my speakers,sent peace to my heart. Enjoy every moment right now. never really used com for such long hours ever since army. I mean throughout the late night. I also thought going out will be better than staying at home. But actually not, staying home is good, as long as im doing the things i enjoy. 7-8 weeks to passing out parade of my training day at SAF BMTC(Basic Military Training Centre). What's the in thing in there. IPPT.(Individual Physical Proficency Test) to test the whether every soldier fittness level is up to standard. Basically i spent 2 months in tekong procrastinating. Always complain, not working hard, not training hard, not sowing into my training to pass IPPT. After the two months has past. Then i wake up from my deep sleep of procrastination. Different people wake up at different time, just that my time of wake up is a bit challenging. But, as long as i pass ippt time before i pass out from bmtc, everything would be fine. National Service after all is about the physical fitness of every individual soldier. No longer a Zero Fighter,Zero Fighter, A term to define one who can't pull a pull-up. A begin to accept the fact that i failed in these(shuttle run, Pull-up,Standing board jump), there isn't other way out except training for it. You reap what you sow. Very true in physical fitness term. Current update: Pull-up 2,SBJ 198,Shuttle run 11.4, 2.4 Run 10.54, Sit up 45. I hope to improve on shuttle run and sbj and pull up on the next coming ippt this week. have to run practice the technique when there time in there. May i work to pay off. SBJ are the hardest for me right now.=.=. used to be pull-up, next mile stone to conquer. need a miracle in my life. God + Hardwork= Results. Self-define this term for my motivation. ha!. Enough of ippt stuff.
Went Church today, Church is my motivation. Always go back to my first love. Stress from NS has pull me away from God for a while. But when i go back to him, I'm really better off. He's there for me to rely on, listen to my pain and problems. Doing the defining work when i'm resting. Church sermon are always relative to my circumstance, appreciate that a lot. Rejoice in the name of the Lord, For He conquer the world. Not a bible quote,Self-typed. But, trying to say, God is in hand for all the things we are going through. Rely on him for a greater strength.
Going through praise and worship in the house of Lord this morning, Suddenly got a sudden touch of love. The past image of me go through my mind, Secondary 3, Poly years.With God defining plan to get me get back to him. Zhen Zhao started telling me about God and Jesus when i saw in secondary 3. After going church for quite sometime, i asked him one question, "why do you choose to spread the gospel to me when i saw in sec 3?" He answered"Because i feel that you a person with no opinion, always follow what people says". It's true, I'm afraid of voicing out. Fearful of voicing in the past. i soon backslided away from God, When i went to poly, Teckloon, my buddy in poly. CHC member, We click off with this common ground of going to City Harvest Church. Time files, He started asking me why i backslided away from God. Again and again, he always correct my thoughts. Because i didn't read the bible. Don't really understand what church members are doing. Doubtful of the existence of God etc. All the question that a noobie will wondered and not understand. After several times of trying to get me back to God, Teck Loon wanted to give up, But God again and again asked him to persist on. Obedience to God, He persisted on. He convinced me of all my doubt. i give in and give my effort to stay in church. This time, 2010 i went back, all the way till now. N312, my cellgrp. Well, once in a while, i will get wild by not attending church service, but deep down. I know and i know, He is the savior of the world, the one who i rely on, the creator of all things in life. And i will get back to him. Tears dropped down when i thought of all these. If not for God, Where would i have been. i seriously don't know, Northlight school perhaps. I might have failed my N level and O level. Still remember His faithfulness. Changhan taught me to pray when i study for my paper and before i start doing my papers, i did that for my N and O level. Things went well, Got into Poly. Poly again, During my Final year project, I prayed to God for a breakthrough in programming, Things went well again. This time in NS, i rely on him by sending prayer and connecting with him, I believe and believe its gonna be well again. He is like teaching me life lesson. "Rely on Me and I will see you through" I seriously thank God for this magnificient plan for me to get me back to him. Greatful forever. And Zhen Zhao and Teck Loon. I looked up to them as my leader in life. My example. Encouraging whenever i thought of them when i'm in trouble. Life Story alright. Thank you God, Jesus, Holy Spirit!
time to sleep!
Went Church today, Church is my motivation. Always go back to my first love. Stress from NS has pull me away from God for a while. But when i go back to him, I'm really better off. He's there for me to rely on, listen to my pain and problems. Doing the defining work when i'm resting. Church sermon are always relative to my circumstance, appreciate that a lot. Rejoice in the name of the Lord, For He conquer the world. Not a bible quote,Self-typed. But, trying to say, God is in hand for all the things we are going through. Rely on him for a greater strength.
Going through praise and worship in the house of Lord this morning, Suddenly got a sudden touch of love. The past image of me go through my mind, Secondary 3, Poly years.With God defining plan to get me get back to him. Zhen Zhao started telling me about God and Jesus when i saw in secondary 3. After going church for quite sometime, i asked him one question, "why do you choose to spread the gospel to me when i saw in sec 3?" He answered"Because i feel that you a person with no opinion, always follow what people says". It's true, I'm afraid of voicing out. Fearful of voicing in the past. i soon backslided away from God, When i went to poly, Teckloon, my buddy in poly. CHC member, We click off with this common ground of going to City Harvest Church. Time files, He started asking me why i backslided away from God. Again and again, he always correct my thoughts. Because i didn't read the bible. Don't really understand what church members are doing. Doubtful of the existence of God etc. All the question that a noobie will wondered and not understand. After several times of trying to get me back to God, Teck Loon wanted to give up, But God again and again asked him to persist on. Obedience to God, He persisted on. He convinced me of all my doubt. i give in and give my effort to stay in church. This time, 2010 i went back, all the way till now. N312, my cellgrp. Well, once in a while, i will get wild by not attending church service, but deep down. I know and i know, He is the savior of the world, the one who i rely on, the creator of all things in life. And i will get back to him. Tears dropped down when i thought of all these. If not for God, Where would i have been. i seriously don't know, Northlight school perhaps. I might have failed my N level and O level. Still remember His faithfulness. Changhan taught me to pray when i study for my paper and before i start doing my papers, i did that for my N and O level. Things went well, Got into Poly. Poly again, During my Final year project, I prayed to God for a breakthrough in programming, Things went well again. This time in NS, i rely on him by sending prayer and connecting with him, I believe and believe its gonna be well again. He is like teaching me life lesson. "Rely on Me and I will see you through" I seriously thank God for this magnificient plan for me to get me back to him. Greatful forever. And Zhen Zhao and Teck Loon. I looked up to them as my leader in life. My example. Encouraging whenever i thought of them when i'm in trouble. Life Story alright. Thank you God, Jesus, Holy Spirit!
time to sleep!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
In the midst of everybody dreams
Originally, I set my NS goals to be able to pass IPPT test. Throughout struggles, still unable to do it, due to my irregular pull-up regime. 3 more months to go, 3 weeks to end of physical training phrase. I want to be able to pull up. Need to start this pull up regime daily. Meaning to pull the bar before I go sleep everyday. I didn't have dreams for OCS. I have a dream to go military police. The drill aspect of military police. Being officer is higher pay, but really not my forte. I'm better follower than leader. I seriously a bit gone. My mind is full with so many pressure. Pressure to pull my first pull up, pressure to pass my ippt. Pressure to book out on time when all ippt passes book out. A desire to become a drill subject method expert. But to all my desire, I got to pass my ippt. To have a stand in the platoon, of course I have to pass my ippt first. To let the people see, they can do it, I can do it. But seriously, another bit of my inner self is a damn slacker. The one which always procrastinate, "aiya, never mind la, next time then do", "very tired leh, next time la, i just done some training earlier, trained hard enough" bits of procrastination is killing enough. I really got to use some very powerful reason to back up all these procrastination I'm facing whenever I want to work hard. Weihong and Zhen Zhao inspired me a lot. They work really hard. Pushing themselves to the limit. Where to muscle intention go up, when their arms have totally no strength, then they give in. Mind over body. Mine is the other way round. Body over mind. physical fitness? It's isn't easy. But if I were to have a strong mind to conquer my body. I would really success. Whenever I feel like giving up, I always thought about aaron giving me the encouragement in npcc times. "Down, 1 more only, hang on only!" he would stretch out his legs to support my falling leg. My buddy, my life. Army days made me remember this precious moment which I forgotten long time ago. If Aaron is there when I'm hanging on the pull up bar, "he would be shouting, go up one more!" I eventually would push and go it up. Now I would need to find my this buddy in army. The one who would encourage me when I'm falling. Those moments.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Thoughts 3
Something that I learnt in NS. "Doing something that can gives oneself a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction" something that can make one feels good when doing or after doing it, perhaps doing something that makes one feel rewarding after doing the task. Where did I get this revelation? From my physical training, training is tough, but after exercising, sweat all over the body, knowing that it's worth it. Muscle will grow, fat will lose. Sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Believe that this apply to life also, with the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, it's keeps one going. Even if doing it again and again. Work should be like this too. Although it's routine, but as long as they received something from doing it. It's good, on the psychological side.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Self-centred thoughts?Thoughts 2
See my blog view so low, kinda sad sia. lol. Happy still, 4 days of bookout eh. 4 days outside leh. Do you know how long this weekend is? More than 36 hours eh. In a normal circumstance there will be only > 24 hours of bookout time. bookout on a saturday, book in on a sunday. A long weekend. What's the in-thing that i have improved for my ippt? Shuttle run, Standing board jump, running of 2.4 and sit up. Although majority of the stations haven pass yet, but yeah. There's still improved. For shuttle run, from 11.2s to 10.8s. The technique, i'm still learning, to be able to break and turn immediately. The breaks are causing my delay. Standing board jump improved from 180 to 198. 216 to pass it. still learning the technique. Running of 2.4 improved from 14.22 to 11.44. This tremendous improved thanks to weihong for passing me his tips for running from his physical instructor. Breathing technique "in-in-out, in-in-out" pretty hard to describe it, but it has helped me to pass my 2.4 run. Sit-up from 33 to 46 reps. Pull up? Still no improvement la. Everytime do pull up regime, never try my best ar. mindfuck, it kept telling me that i can't do. Until then, recently i do the pull up assistant, i pull the weight at a weight that will stretch my muscles, then i realised all along when i do my pull up regime, i never activate my back muscle, all along is using my triceps and biceps only. That's why i'm not improving. will continue to work hard. expect my ippt to fail this coming tuesday already. which means from next week onwards, book-out will be on saturday. because we will need to stay back and exercise more. but, don't worry on it. one day i will pass it. My sections mate has been telling me to eat less everyday. from the beginning, i will add more rice everytime until now, i no longer add rice, but eat half portion of the given. yeah. stomach getting smaller. because i hope >body weight can aid the helping of pull up. must control myself from eating too much while out. before my ns enlistment, i kept saying to myself, "no matter what, book out time, i gonna eat a lot." but yeah, the mentality has changed. for the ippt. Don't think NS no stress hor. We always go test one, like examinations like that. We need to pass ippt test, SOC(Standard obstacle course) test and field camp. no pass all these? need to recourse the whole basic military training school course. no play play. see the tension yeah? so long never blog, my sentences structure also buang liao. so many commas and fragment sentences. something else more lighter. my process with the receptionist. yeah. No improvement la. she a busy girl, can't be my entertainment. entertainment meaning someone i can talk to, chat with etc whenever needed. We don't click la. fact la. LKK, accept it. lol. but seriously sometimes in ns quite sian one. turn on the phone, "No text, no phone calls." wah. utimate. So sometime i just wish that i can press this magic button and start to talk cock with this girl about stuff. yeah. female mates. Stop being despo LKK, or you are not gonna find one! other than that yeah. in army, when different people come together, you will see the different faces every person has in certain time, scary. should not elaborate. other than that. motivated to grow fitter each day. My sister relationship with shaohao? in a mess. i see the footsteps of my past. sigh ar. can't help ar. i hate to say can't help. but really, the relationship between two person need both party to work together to make it better. well, NS is good in some ways that it kept the mind occupied with stuff. so the brain won't be keeping those unwanted junks. The society? still the same. i scroll through facebook, people are still the same. society feeds are fill with junks sexual related and critism stuff. yup yup. i expect some changes in it, however when i go back in the civilian world, it kinda pull back my memories of the image of this society in my mind. yeah. shouldn't look into the negative side right? shall look more on the positive side. ;)
The antidote
It's a interpersonal mixture of feeling. Stepped into this phase of life. It's give a sense of goal and target to work towards to. To pass ippt, to grow fit. None the less. It's make me think less about stuff. Army give a sense of purpose and accomplishment. It's make every one feel good about itself. "Give it your best in whatever you do, be the salt and light for God, in the marketplace." I'm really kinda drifting away from presence of God, not going church for a week. Yeah, I really kinda miss the cell group meeting and members. But I gonna miss it again today, because I really want to pass my ippt shuttle run. Where another phase coming, I'm pretty sure it's from Holy Spirit, "Trust in God, and everything will be fine" but I'm can't let it down. Because I really want to pass it badly. A urge so strong, because of the pressure to pass it. None the less, I'm still going church tomorrow. I'm really worry about church too, My Home Church, I don't know what's going on. Is it part of God's plan. Ippt or church? Both, just that I address church later. Pray.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
First post on NS
Blogger interface has changed quite a lot since i last posted on the blogger website. i love the current moment i feeling now. Every happy and contented, although a only have barely > 48 hours after my second bookout. Every much comes from the time spent from bookout till i book in again. I bookout on a saturday morning, have mac breakfast and slept for a short while, off to JB after 3pm yesterday.It's fun to go out to another country, although it's just for a short while. But the scenes saw is different from the familiar ones. One deep impression that strucks me when i saw children clearing plates at a local sea food restaurant located somewhere near the seaside area. Those who are clearing the plates are malay girls,i'm sure they are definetely below 15 years old. A bit heartaching. To compare the differents lives singaporeans girls with age the same as them. Typing half-way through, comes a message from my 8 years of bro"Hey bro !! Am so in love(: omg. Finally I found back the feeling (:" See him being so happy, i also happy from him. Back to where i stopped. Many things in lives we see, pathetic as it is, but often not having the power to changed it. In the heart,"I hope.", Hoping things will change for them. Things are happening all around, Singapore, Malaysia, India, Africa. Even in sg, those tissue seller and beggers asking for money. Knowing that things are not perfect, Bad things are happening around.Happy that i know the God. The creator. Prayers thats keep things going. GTG already. Got to reach pasir ris at 850. Hope you all like this chinese songs.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Driving test waiting room
My heart race like mad, my legs are going like soft jellyfish. It's taking a scroll on me, i'm in the driving test room. It's quiet, just like the first time when I came into the room. I'm acting up with all my symptoms, they got jelly Im, the more firm they are, I cant deny the fact that I'm making noises inside there. I need to create the atmosphere that is suitable for me. Thanks god in advance for being with me while I'm driving my test. I love him. Give thanks for every moment I'm like. Driving coach are like fierce, firm. I need to overcome the firmest in every coach. I need to insert the atmosphere that is best for me for me to excel. Im releasing all the intents within me. Letting it all out, go go and go. I really really want to go FB and post later on say that I pass my driving test! I want to pass them. I want to drive in the future. A car in the future. Don't want to let this test put me down. Lesser and lesser people in the room already, I need to pass. Remember to check all the pointers. Confirm and double confirm. Need to pass them all. All the six stations. Release stress, insert joy! Visualize me in a car, driving alone. Thats what I want and what I need. Jiayou
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Like
Feelings is a very special emotion. Just as you know, it's come, and it's creates this unbalance emotions within you. The urge to come a bit closer, a bit nearer. It's first sight, perhaps that girl who matches very of your physical appearance criteria. It's really really a bit pity that I'm much older than the one I saw. My criteria of girl? Sweet. That's the word to sum up the every description that I gonna make. When I saw it her, pink top, long hair, sweet smile, medium size eyes. Holding the phone, perhaps texting massive guys, something that I believe that every sweet girls will attract. The smile is probably the one that make her so sweet. Never forgotten what pastor says. It's take 8.2 secs for a crush to take place. Total believe it. When that someone is so special, it's take away your breath, your heartbeat when she stands closer and closer to you, the smell and everything. I hope to experience and see more of that.;)
Friday, June 1, 2012
乱
不能平静的我，似乎非常乱。思想乱了，被脑海里的问题和思想搞乱了。以为不是问题的事情变成了问题。似乎好多事还没处理。不只要从那着手。我的电话，我的驾车执照，我的军队装备，我的书本，我的思想。I need a breathing space, this breathing time mustn't take too long. I dislike being pull down. I need to handle all these quite and fast. It's almost there. God bless!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
我把爱都放在里面，不带走，你要等我，要等我。
我把爱都放在里面，不带走，你要等我，要等我。
心里好多想发和想做的事情，但又觉得做出来的不够完美，想把他变完美但又有点不知道是那里不足。
我的内心就好像刚发动的引擎，走到五十公里，想开快点但不能在快，要关掉引擎也不行，因为已经发动了。
需要好好思考，在继续往前走。
心里好多想发和想做的事情，但又觉得做出来的不够完美，想把他变完美但又有点不知道是那里不足。
我的内心就好像刚发动的引擎，走到五十公里，想开快点但不能在快，要关掉引擎也不行，因为已经发动了。
需要好好思考，在继续往前走。
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
In a slow moving traffic
And yeah, I know the person seated directly opposite me is staring at me. My every movement perhaps, when I stare back, she looked away. I giggled a bit. Well, it's funny. Manage to grab this seat although my view is going against the directly where the bus is moving. Yeah, so be it. 736, I manage to catch this bus. Somehow or rather, bus 965 bus frequency timing is really inaccurate. There once I ran down from my unit to the bus stop. I reached at 732. The bus came at 740+. I'm late for many times. 5 times in total, having work less than a month. Yeah. I might have just broke their highest record hit of being late in the shortest period of time. My trick to tackle them when I'm late?act fast, act hardworking. Less frequency of toilet break. And my whole day at work will be carrying the guilty emotions. When I'm early, yeah, act like a happy baby. Do whatever I want, of course including picking up calls and the things that required of me. Daily sight of expressway slow traffic. How to ease this? Sometime accident, many times slow traffic. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't blame them. I should instead reflect on myself and wake up early right. I'm not sure if i wake up early enough, seem like I need to wake up earlier and move quicker and earlier. My mind is in a whirl, pick this up from yesterday's 7pm channel 8 drama. My mind indeed is like a whirl, the problem with me is whenever I kinda get to know a new somebody, I will kinda don't know how to behave properly. That's includes of waiting for her to knock off whenever I'm feel like. And just spend that 15-20 mins chit chatting. And random chit chat whenever we are at the corridor. I always give advices to other people, when it came to me, I'm like, what should i do now? Lol. In a picture where I can kinda see myself in it. I always emphasize going with your feelings and not your thoughts. Thoughts are kinda pre-programming into our minds, it's give you the action and the ending product. But it's relationship matters, it kinda like a process of two person moving in. Not just one. Just two. In a friendship based, there isn't any movement needed, perhaps just that normal usual self until something happen, some will just cling, some won't. Simple. And now I'm still at TPE I guess, not even at SLE. How I'm gonna survive and reach there on time. I'm like so dead. Really so dead. I don't want to be late. I'm should have procrastinate when I was waking up and preparing and keep telling myself that there still time. :(. Life still have to go on, the most, a can later on. Chaos!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Somehow, somewhat.
I don't really feel good inside. My attitude sux man when they teased me. Kinda like a boss to them. I guess that why it became such kind. I feel the distance grow between me and them. I don't like it. I shall embrace positivity. Start communicating with them once more. Yes, receptionist may be a thing, but I also wish to have their support. Although it's only a few more days left, I wish to get back the positive in communicating with them. :( lesser communication and I start to feel the gap there. I want to close up the gap there. If colleagues are the one who brought me up. They should stay and not let me fight this war alone. If isn't fun without them. Embrace positivity! Embrace it. Start with meaning conversation perhaps. 
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Moth to butterfly
After several attempts of struggling, I decided to used the most effective way to exercise out all my emotions, the fastest, speedy way of letting my emotions and frustration out rather than keeping inside. It's like a cold blood species with the plain facial expression, I love to see her smile, seeing her smile is my end product. Somehow very difficult to get it, I don't know why. I sense the cold block of ice as her defending tower, it's kinda make of the strongest ice in the world, simple stones from the floor can't break the ice, unpolished stones can't really break it, it need some polishing and refining until it bright and powerful then the ice can be broken down. In the reference that you can't refer the stones as words, the words that are able to break the cold wall, in exchanging of her smile. Well, woman who smile is always attractive, just that she doesn't smile much. As well as you can refer to me as one who is not really good at refining and polishing, i'm not really good with words. I'm only good at communicating with guy and friends. A lady who I only know her for a few hours? How to? I know readers might few that I'm actually putting stress in myself, but actually not. My goal is to see her smiling to me. Pick up lines, I'm neither good, teasing coming in certain condition. I don't know about it. It's isn't about like, it's isn't about love, it's about the communication. I kinda overdo I guess, but pulling back might be time wasting, pushing forward might not be effective. How ar how? May I hope that something can come upon the base foundation of relationship. While typing I'm hoping to find solution, but I didn't got that, but rather, the peace that I receive after i release every emotion. The thought of entering a new relationship but the stuff process of getting to gain the trust of the other party. How to make it easy nah. Might this fear of rejection and unsuccessful be taken away. :) (: smile more and smile to overcome the negative emotions. 
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Love
This love I gonna talk about in particular is boy-girl relationship. The meeting of two people. Many love dramas that I've watched. Often true like it seems to be. Two random people just fall in love unexpectedly. Without planning, without motive, just as simple and innocent just it is. You know it, when it comes, the rush of emotions, the release of the endorphins, make you feel like a little boy filled with excitement seeing that little girl in ribbon bow tie on her hair, he smiles in his own silly notion. Hehehe:D just like this, as you imagine the boy holding the candy lollipop in his hands, wearing smart attire with suspender with the hair comb to the side, side parting and the shiny hair. He walks forwards to the girl and smiles to her, "this lollipop is for you", the girl smiles back and take the lollipop in her hands and they smile to each other.Simple act, but indeed, but that's how love should be, the heart that you have for her. I watched 海派甜心 first 6 episode today, it's bring me to a new origin of love. Without plan, without motive, not how the society view it. I can boldly say, I haven met just person yet, she has yet to appear, just got a feeling, she definitely is popular within the guys, with a great sweet smile. I got this data from the first crush that I got in my primary school. She captured my soul, to me, whenever I saw her, it's just like princess from above, that sweet smile and the natural brown hair that everyone doesn't have. One-sided love isn't that bad at that time. It's just pure, I want the best for her, she smiles, I'm happy. That mini school bus that we sat in the morning, and the long bus that we sat in the afternoon. Her back view is what I'm always seeing, that long brownish pony tail, with her smart ironed school uniform. Soft-spoken of her and exceptionally shy in her gesture and expression. All that it is, the last few occasional I saw her is at a bus stop and in a bus after we graduated. At the bus stop when I was waiting for bus to interchange to change bus to go my secondary school, early in the morning, 5 plus am, she wore the blue uniform, girl guide uniform, the last time is at bus 62, it's passes by yuying sec, she went up the bus, she saw me, and the moments just pass when I alighted. And the chapter closes when I didn't manage to find her facebook, her name, Joanna Chew Ann Na. I literally type in the search bar and click on every pages, but no valid. I guess now if I'm to search again, it's will be much more easier, become I have my friends who are in yuying secondary before. At these point searching for her profile, the core is to see how she is doing now. That's it. 那些年我喜欢过的女生.
Friday, May 11, 2012
The beginning and the end
He doesn't know how to do it, basically when he see her, his mind will go empty, he doesn't know how to bring the conversation in a new level,the next level. Maybe she doesn't feel the same as the guy does, but the theory says, "it's doesn't matter how she feels about you, most importantly is how you feel about her" smiling in joy and happiness while typing these lines. The only thing they does, or in fact, he does, is to give greeting. When he saw her, and when he is leaving. He want things to get going, at least a basic conversation. But he can't seem to do it whenever he sees her. Just so the smile that she gave make his day happier. When a girl smile to a guy, the guy is on cloud9. As simple as that. Randomly type this quote. Why he is pushing so hard to make it a higher level is because his time is running out, really running out, his timespan of two weeks. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. He needs to consult his friends for more aids. Talkative as he can be, but became a silent cat when she there. That's the change. The screwdriver screw up just at that point in time. That's about it. One things about blogging, you clog the moment, the thoughts, the everything that is in place in that moment. 
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Building the foundation of your life
Once, there's one friend who told me, you always behave differently after you go church. Now thinking back, then I realise why she will says so in the past. In the past moments, i'm like a church-goer, going just to worship and fulfil my duty as a christian, because he is the creator of life. At that point in life, I'm still young and immature, in fact, every lost in life. I don't feel that there value in my life, I live and seek people giving me the value to me, living to the expectation of other. The aimless direction of in my own. I do really like her, just to see her as a company to me, a pillar that I can hold on to.Because she is always around.I set expectation on her, I build my values in her, expect the return of appreciation.
Whenever she didn't meet my expectation, I turn disappointed and sad, and soon after, it's turn to angry and possession of her life. Although its is not that serious, treat it as I'm ext-ragging. All these are in the past, winter is over, now welcoming the spring. Many might not know the true values of life. Some tend to build on love, some build it in friends, some might build in fame. I built in on Jesus Christ, the never changing love that is for every human that exist. His love never fail, the same today and tomorrow and forever. I'm not saying that build life in people is wrong, but all this will fade, it's will changed. It's can never match the love that we really need that can fill our heart and abundant of love joy and peace. Jesus Christ, the first love for every human. Many people desire for a wonderful life, the want to be surrounded with friends, fame, being the centre of attraction. All these can be done, but how long can it's last, when it's fade away, what can happen to you? Dwell in the lonely and hopelessness? Actually we are human are the centre of attraction in Jesus Christ, he long to meet us, want to befriend with us, want to bring hope to us, want to have a relationship with us. Want to love us. Want successes in us. I'm not a good writer, I feel that I'm attacking all those who are not in jesus love. But all i want to say is Jesus love you, all that you want can be found in him. Now I build my life in him, a never changing god. I sense peace, I have acceptance in him, I live in the abundant grace that he provides, I seek joy and happiness in him. I hold him in my life, because of him, I found acceptance, because of him, I'm not seeking anymore values in other, because of him, life is completed, my heart is completed. I'm more confident, because he is always there to support and back me up. Because he see us in our every moves, we know what's best for us, in him, we will find the purpose and destiny of our life. Hallelujah! Be blessed in the name of Jesus!
Whenever she didn't meet my expectation, I turn disappointed and sad, and soon after, it's turn to angry and possession of her life. Although its is not that serious, treat it as I'm ext-ragging. All these are in the past, winter is over, now welcoming the spring. Many might not know the true values of life. Some tend to build on love, some build it in friends, some might build in fame. I built in on Jesus Christ, the never changing love that is for every human that exist. His love never fail, the same today and tomorrow and forever. I'm not saying that build life in people is wrong, but all this will fade, it's will changed. It's can never match the love that we really need that can fill our heart and abundant of love joy and peace. Jesus Christ, the first love for every human. Many people desire for a wonderful life, the want to be surrounded with friends, fame, being the centre of attraction. All these can be done, but how long can it's last, when it's fade away, what can happen to you? Dwell in the lonely and hopelessness? Actually we are human are the centre of attraction in Jesus Christ, he long to meet us, want to befriend with us, want to bring hope to us, want to have a relationship with us. Want to love us. Want successes in us. I'm not a good writer, I feel that I'm attacking all those who are not in jesus love. But all i want to say is Jesus love you, all that you want can be found in him. Now I build my life in him, a never changing god. I sense peace, I have acceptance in him, I live in the abundant grace that he provides, I seek joy and happiness in him. I hold him in my life, because of him, I found acceptance, because of him, I'm not seeking anymore values in other, because of him, life is completed, my heart is completed. I'm more confident, because he is always there to support and back me up. Because he see us in our every moves, we know what's best for us, in him, we will find the purpose and destiny of our life. Hallelujah! Be blessed in the name of Jesus!
Friday, April 27, 2012
那些年
在一个公共场所写我的博客可真不是我的style.可是因为我须要一个座位，才能让我舒舒服服的写我的文章。我的座位旁边好吵，很多生和笑生，我的旁边坐着一位上班女人，一个人孤独的吃饭，长得得体，在我座位前是一对夫妇，坐着吃饭，好甜蜜。当我在blog时，我希望把当时的感触和情景都写出来，把当时的情况保留在我的博客里，那么当我回顾时，我能感受当时的心情，博客真好，能够让我随时随的把我的感触和心情都写出来，选择用华语是因为我在运用华语时，能把所有的感触表达出来，非常自在。
那些年，看了一遍又一遍，每一次的感触都不一样，
那些年，看了一遍又一遍，每一次的感触都不一样，
Thursday, April 26, 2012
In the bus
What will you doing if you think that someone is looking at your direction? I will be like insecure, start to blink my eye rapidly, tilting my head from left and right. And now I'm diverting the attention to fall in my blog. Someone I just feel just secure when I think that people is looking at my direction, I will be thinking, should I look back? Or I will just pretend to sleep, or I just blog a post. Thoughts# after tying out all the uncomfortable, i feel much more better. Well, I will not look back, but I will look straight. 
They long to merge
They long to merge, exchanging eyes contact whenever they walk by each other. The smile of her make his days more delightful. The exchanged eye contact of his, acknowledged the presence of her. He is trying to crack it up, but just can't seem to open his mouth and says something, he loves the smile of her. Simply seeing her smile make him feels good. She stopped smiling, but still acknowledge the presence of his. All he wants is to see the smile, that all. More than enough. The writer is thinking of something, that can make her smile again, because it's beautiful. 
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Heart of gold
I think most of the people have a heart of gold, it is just waiting for the opportunities to activate it. I came down from bus 965 at sembawang(on the way traveling to work) initially when I took the bus at sengkang, the third stop after I board, a blind man came up, holding on to a white stick, walking through the general space between the seats, I didn't offer my seat, partly I was seated in the inner seat. Subsequently, the man walk all the rear, I suppose he stand throughout, after alighting at the bus at sembawang, I was the blind man is walking together with a lady(in office wear with make up) I thought I missed the lady when the man board the bus, while walking towards the mrt, I deliberately walk slowly, just to catch glance of this moment(rare sight), after 10 secs or so, I realised the office lady is walking behind me without the man, then I realised, it's just a helping hand that she offered to the man. It's kinda wonderful to see that in the morning that make me reflect and let me see the other side of human. 
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
My shoes calling for retirement.
I brought this shoes around January this year. I brought it to Chinese new year and make friends with my little ones, I walk it through rain and storm, through almost 10 driving lesson. Due to my extensive use of it, it call for a trash bin. I'm used to changing shoes,, regardless of the fanciful design, I didn't walk them enough to build a relationship with me. None of them walk with me through for at least 1 year. Wonder why? Because I always chose the cheap ones, $30 max? Standard price for a covered shoes. It's really true that quality is much important than quantity. I shall invest in a cheap one for the time being, a good one when I start to work.
Monday, April 2, 2012
First driving practical test
I will try again, on 26 June 2012. 1.55pm, should be able to use own money to pay for the fee by then. 
Saturday, March 31, 2012
The broken shoes
I'm still waiting for my work to start, so that I'm able to changed away this old shoes. Wearing this shoes for my driving test. Definitely will bring me luck, it went through many rain and storm and driving lesson.:)
Daily inspirational quotes- Self Esteem
There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. Nathaniel Branden 
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Interview
Went for interview at recruit-express, it's offer $8/hrs. The consultant jamie asked whether I wanted to work saturday, maybe a half day work. I declined and said i wanted a five day work. Many of the admin job required a 5.5 days work. But I would prefer like a normal working adult, not having to burn my Saturday. She says she got a IT job offer on hand, with the same salary of $8/hrs, i accepted the invitation. Later the today she will send the email to the company. I hope I will get into it, because the location is at tampines. If I'm not short-listed, I might take the other offer with a 5 day work, but with $6 pay. I hope to get into the IT job. 
我
事情的好坏，往往就决定在那一念之间。我的脑筋每一次都在跟我玩耍，每次都告诉我，不行，不可以。无法相信自己的能力。我会努力的破除这一个境界，然我自己跟上一成楼。
在这段期间，渐渐地了解我内心的一些些，一直以来，都面对自我相信的能力，好怕失败，我怕被拒绝。所以我做事总是特别小心，情况总是不会出乎意料之外。小心翼翼。我的性格内向，不敢尝试新东西，所以生命的色彩非常一般，性格发展也没有很大的突破。简简单单的一个我。
其实我很好玩，我喜欢与人互动，很喜欢见识新的玩而，自要稍微推我一把，我保证，我会信心大阵，勇敢尝试。一个人的时候，我的脑海里会思想，会回顾过去的点点滴滴，看看事发的我开心吗，是否对那一面的我感到满意。那是因为我没有真正的去体会那里的一切，所以才会有所感想。
看到这面的我，我感到很欣慰，至少我知道我应该进步的地方。
外向的我有是这么样的呢？是当每一人在期待我的举动时，我就会特别开心，展示我的快乐与表达出来。
我希望有一天能够遇上一个能让我成为一个善于表达，能带出我的最好的一面的人，完成那一个我，让我的心声的到完整。
原天下太平，原事事都能得到圆满，原世间有情人能够相遇，圆满那份爱，原世间的单身，能够忠诚眷属。
在这段期间，渐渐地了解我内心的一些些，一直以来，都面对自我相信的能力，好怕失败，我怕被拒绝。所以我做事总是特别小心，情况总是不会出乎意料之外。小心翼翼。我的性格内向，不敢尝试新东西，所以生命的色彩非常一般，性格发展也没有很大的突破。简简单单的一个我。
其实我很好玩，我喜欢与人互动，很喜欢见识新的玩而，自要稍微推我一把，我保证，我会信心大阵，勇敢尝试。一个人的时候，我的脑海里会思想，会回顾过去的点点滴滴，看看事发的我开心吗，是否对那一面的我感到满意。那是因为我没有真正的去体会那里的一切，所以才会有所感想。
看到这面的我，我感到很欣慰，至少我知道我应该进步的地方。
外向的我有是这么样的呢？是当每一人在期待我的举动时，我就会特别开心，展示我的快乐与表达出来。
我希望有一天能够遇上一个能让我成为一个善于表达，能带出我的最好的一面的人，完成那一个我，让我的心声的到完整。
原天下太平，原事事都能得到圆满，原世间有情人能够相遇，圆满那份爱，原世间的单身，能够忠诚眷属。
Monday, March 12, 2012
Love story
Fated seems to play for those people who really likes each other. I admire the guts that my friend had. Somehow when i read the story, i've got a strong intuitive that the love story is gonna blossom out, There gonna be an ending. I really believe if you really fall for this someone, truthfully, without an doubts, the attraction that last in your mind, regardless of the time,place, situation you are in, the memories will be still deeply captured in mind.
Most important reminder to myself: Never ever fall for someone because you need to. While i'm still young, i guess i won't have to worry about my future. What come will come. Ignore all the belief of fighting for love, if it is meant to be, it will come naturally, there isn't a need to overdose myself with all the social online date. Love should come naturally, automatically.
Most important reminder to myself: Never ever fall for someone because you need to. While i'm still young, i guess i won't have to worry about my future. What come will come. Ignore all the belief of fighting for love, if it is meant to be, it will come naturally, there isn't a need to overdose myself with all the social online date. Love should come naturally, automatically.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Hard Truths
Some of the hard truths about myself, it's 4.06am, i'm tired, but i just wanted to blog so much, if not i will just lose the feeling and thought at this particular moment in time.
Past weeks has been torturing, has been low, down and usual. bored, lifeless, colorless. It's very low and down, a feeling of loneliness, moodiness, colorless, lifeless. It's has been months since the start of my intern. Many colors in my life just faded away day by day since my intern started.
i'm a goalless person, i have no great dreams for me to achieve, i have no personal conviction, i'm as plain as a white t-shirt. i will want to stay the way i'm. But it doesn't bring any new life to my life."Dreams are important, without dreams, our life is gonna be meaningless" from one of the World's Strictest Parents series that i've watched. I pushed myself, to find my dream and goal in life for the past few weeks, i put to thought of being alone for a period of time, using the time to reflect and use this time to think and ask myself what i'm good for this life. I tried, many days of being alone at home. It's doesn't help. It's just seem so colorless.I know what i need, Colors. Colors in my life. Through the period of being alone, i'm determined to find my passion in life, my interest. I'm one who doesn't has extremely interest in something. I've many interests. Water-sports,Cycling, Jogging, Internet, Skating, Nature & exploration. ok, not many, but these are main. They are the so call undeveloped interest. Because i don't have extreme passion in them. Yes, so this is like the external me. Internal me?
i'm a people person, i need a lot of assurance from people in order to boost my esteem, i love to be in the limelight/centre-stage between people. i love to be appreciated, i love to be loved by people around me, i love people to call me up. i love people to ask me how's my day. My level of life-fufillment is defined by the people around me.If i'm around them and i joke around and tease around with them, they are happy, i'm happy. Because i make a difference. i would say us the assurance from people, i need people company in doing things too, its makes me more confident than doing it alone. The reason why i love ikea so much is because of the people. because i feel like the centre-staged when i work there. Like the core of the people whom co-workers can relate too. i love interaction. In a place where i know everybody and everybody knows me, I will display the true me. Because of the comfort-level i'm at. Why i can't excel and find joy in my intern place is because i'm not the centre-staged. I cannot relate to everyone over there. I cannot be myself. Maybe every much i'm afraid of judging if i display my real-self. I kept in low. Low-spirit work environment also. Extremely quiet, i cannot accept. i need to hear noise and perhaps joy, and laughter from the people there. The truth is, i wanted to be myself when i work over there, upon opening the door, i told myself, i will hum my songs while i walk-in. When i just went down after i stepped-in. Assurance and allowance i need from the people there is the key that i need, so that i can opened-up myself. i chatted with my cell-group members regards to this problem, one of them told me, office-culture are normally like this, from another, to start the culture of happy environment, it must start from you.And i took it all, but still left the workplace without changes.Therefore i can conclude that i'm person with in-securities. Assurance is exactly the cure for insecurities. What about giving myself the securities? That like an adrenaline, it only last for awhile and i'm revert back to normal. A lot of time is if they allow, i will. i'm not the kind of i'm who i'm, i can display myself up there without anything that bother. Is like putting a bomb out in there centre and see whether people will see the bomb. Unsafe. While in a place whereby people accepts you, they put on an armor for you and not you putting it on for yourself. The armor they put for you is of-course with much more honor than the one you put on yourself.I don't want to spread negativism in my blog, therefore i will hide it until i find an answer than i will blog about it. Another reason why i'm afraid of army is not because of the tough training. It's because of the people, i fear of rejection again. An image of me during my primary four float up in my mind, many eyes staring. Fear of rejection is the number 1 reason for suicide. Another image of the channel 8 drama come out, when the guy wanted to jump down because he injected harm to his grandma. Fear of rejection. I don't really know the core reason of my fear in rejection, but i really need to overcome it.
i've a strong conviction if this core this cured, i will be a person of a greater confidence towards everything in life. i need what i want, what i need most of the time. While the dreams and goals will hang there for the time being, perhaps when the core is solved, dreams and goals will comes?
i also believe that the people you mixes with make the person you are. i need to expose myself to more people and friends. So i can see what other i seeing and what i'm not seeing. It will brought to another point of not accepting for who i'm. I accept it i guess, just that i'm changing it for the better. Any comments are welcomed. Night! I need a life teacher perhaps. Someone to tell me many many stuff about life, but not hiding my personal values. Zhaos.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Something to reflect on
most people aren't in love you know
they think they are
but it's just the 'chase' that
interest them
once they get the girl
or they get rejected
that's it.
love, shouldn't be like that
it should be the long run.
that's
why i don't care
if she doesn't talk to me
or whatever
im not in it for the chase
默默的爱也是一种爱
最重要的就是要以自己的信念
凭着自己的感觉走
不要被身边的事以物影响
那样的爱才是最单纯的爱
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Social Acceptance and Rejection
humphmm..it's been a long while seen i post about such issues, or such kind of social issue. i kinda like to go into these kind of topic.It's bring me to another level of self-actualisation. These few weeks has been very hard on my mental health.so here's the story.
It's was a sunday, i'm was at home, feeling bored...i went google webpage. i went to wireclub singapore, this is a social network platform for people to connect and make new friends. I wasn't new to this, last time when i first started with this social network.i make friend with a female friend.Till then, we are still friends.As in real friends and not online friend. Yes.So its a pretty good experience, i hoping to know somebody new from this social net again.well, specifically female friends.i don't have much female friends. finding a female soulmate is always part of what i want. It's just feel different as compare to guys. Because they are female, opposite sex attracts. same sex repel. blah blah.For you to choose to go out with the same sex or opposite sex, of course if the opp sex is as fun as the same sex, you will choose the female one isn't it? Ya. So i went there, browsed for 30 mins. hmm, no valid. all never seem to reply,forget it.I moved on. night time. randomly search on my iphone app store. "Chat online" or "chatroom online", can't remember. So guess what?, i found this app. "Badoo". Woah, mindblowing,i filtered the search for women, so many pretty girls. It's like you can choose and pick. It's like department store for clothes. Whatever pattern also have. So i went on, starting out conversation with "hello!", or "Hi!blah blah blah", whatever is that. Starting is good, those kind of exciting emotions rushes out from within when someone reply. Pretty women, their reply are like short short. "o.o","hi". Well as guys, okay lor, we start topic, blah blah blah for a while.The conversation died down. It's the building of rapport. Me being one-sided. Very tiring eh.But i'm determined to find the key to talk to pretty women. So i went to talk to other people lor.It's like so many for you to chat.Click, Type, and Send! 3 steps! Well, ended up the response still not very good. My morale went from very high to low. conversation starter. "Hi!blah blah blah" to "hi". Those like giving up kind attiude.So i went to google stuff."Conversation starter...etc", try it out again. It's still don't work out. There's a couple of them that will reply, but it takes up to 2 to 3 days kinda. Other are like not replying at all.
This hit me really hard, Whenever i see the chats not getting reply, my emotions will just get down, "angry at times".often,questions are popping up in my mind, "Why are they not replying?","wah, reply my msg takes the hell time from them","wah angry angry angry", whenever it's reached another early morning, I woke up and prepare myself for work, i will check my email from my iphone, "Badoo, You have a new message waiting for you", This is the email notication it will send to your inbox when you didn't reply to them within a certain timespan. For some moments when i wake up not seeing the email notification in mail, i will like "wah, why haven reply.:(" Sad emotions tigger within myself. I brought it to my workplace and whenever i go. Whenever i open up the badoo app again, "Can i not try anymore, they won't reply for sure". So these kind of emotions went on for weeks, perhaps two to three weeks? It's torturing enough. It's like a everyday suffering kind. Unhappy! All i think in my mind is about the app, "badoo,badoo,badoo".
Deep down i know something is wrong with me, I'm going in the direction where i gonna haywire.I start googling on topics such as"How to be more confident, How to boost your self esteem etc etc". Reading it more and more, the lousier i feel about myself. This emotions is really torturing.i can't help it but feel lousy about myself. And what's more crazy, whenever i walk in the crowd, i'm afraid to face the people. I will look at thier eyes to potray a strong front or to check whether they are looking at me. Whenever i see some pretty women, i will like tilt my head now, or just don't dare to look at them. See, Going through all these everyday, Low self-esteem, Low self-confidence, fear of the crowd. It's killing!
It's only when today when i was on my way to driving practice, i come to actualisation. i start to google about rejection. The webpage haven even load, i closed it and went for driving.After which,I was in the bus, i ran through my thoughts and everything of what i was feeling and behaving come to the moment of truth. It is social rejection that i'm feeling."It's the rejection that i get from people" I started to analyse the whole situation. It was me pinning hope on them for the replies. They didn't reply, it failed my expectation and i was rejected. Not being accepted by them. I wasn't prepared for rejection at all! I started all with high moral and it went all down to nothing.Got out of what i expected, got rejection from so many people. Wah, The feeling is worse than anything else, felt not accepted by them, therefore i got all these low self esteem, low self confidence questions popping up in my mind. And i realised i put these hope and expectation at the wrong people or i shouldn't be putting these hope in these social network people or i shouldn't be expectating acceptance from them. To sum up, i shouldn't place any expectation from them at all, putting it in the wrong place and wrong person.
First: they don't know me.
Second: they are not my friends
Third: they are not part of my life
It's is just a social network platform, nobody takes it seriously. Well,i'm the dumb dumb who took it so hard on myself. social acceptance should comes from people who know me, my family, my friends. i just expect too much for it. All and all, i just running the wrong track.
And i carry to analyze, Yes, i have it all, i got all those acceptance from my family and friends. i'm socially accepted from people who are in my life.
To sum it all. Social Acceptance is the best of the best. Because we as human long to be accepted everywhere we go. When somebody says you are good, you are nice, you are just too awesome! self-esteem, self-confidence will go up automatically. It will lead to a better quality of life as we will be more daring to live out our life because of the high social acceptance level, nothing will be too hard. While we as human fear of rejection as much as we love acceptance.Everyone longs for it, As long as you family members love you, you are the best in your life, that's the best acceptance. Whatever things that we do, that's know that family members love and care and accepts you. Rejection from other people are just part and parcel of life. And always beware with what you says to your friends,in angry situation or whatever. Address things in a proper manner, or else it will be a rejection for your friends if words are too harsh. It hurts definitely.It will hurt one's self-esteem. Might lead to other problem if not taken care of. Fat people often get rejected because of being the stock laughing among people. So beware!
P.S: Regards to social network, yeah, i will be still there, but i've revised my expectation and prepare to see rejection, most of all, not taking it too hard. I will still look for people of the same frequency.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
MRT
Child
The moment when a child walks in. The passenger who was seated down stood up, walks away and gave his seats to the child. Unknowingly, the child saw a empty seat in front of him. Joyfully rushed and settled himself on the seat. The innocent of a child. It's with any self-consciousness of be judge or whatsoever. But if a adult does this. Will you judged? i think many will. But its deep down in their heart.
Observation
They are on their iPhone's, iPad's. Some are with earpiece plugged to their ears, few are on short nap, couple of them are reading the newspaper, blank stare in the air and reading a book. Me?, on observation mode.
Seats
As your stops reached, you fire off from your seats.Anxious commuters who are further of the seats observed and watch the commuter directly in front of the empty seat, after a few seconds. "She is not taking the seat". They concluded in their mind. A couple of them started to get close to the seat. What's left? it is to see who has the fastest legs.
18 days ago in EWL
I walked into the train, heading from serangoon circle line to nicoll highway. I walked my way through and stood space where carriage are connected together. I position myself at ease and lead against the curly cushion. These cushion can be found in circle line train. All other train are plain flat metal piece.After a while, something caught my eye, i saw two hand holding together, they are seated at the side seat area. It's the mother and daughter, hands hold together.The daughter lean above the chest area of her mother.It warm my heart. I got the urge to take a photo of them with their hands hold together. But i'm afraid of attention.Instead i watch time through. I enjoyed seeing such moments, love connection between each other. That's family. Always stand by you, walk together with you. Secured the little heart of the girl with warm and care.
The moment when a child walks in. The passenger who was seated down stood up, walks away and gave his seats to the child. Unknowingly, the child saw a empty seat in front of him. Joyfully rushed and settled himself on the seat. The innocent of a child. It's with any self-consciousness of be judge or whatsoever. But if a adult does this. Will you judged? i think many will. But its deep down in their heart.
Observation
They are on their iPhone's, iPad's. Some are with earpiece plugged to their ears, few are on short nap, couple of them are reading the newspaper, blank stare in the air and reading a book. Me?, on observation mode.
Seats
As your stops reached, you fire off from your seats.Anxious commuters who are further of the seats observed and watch the commuter directly in front of the empty seat, after a few seconds. "She is not taking the seat". They concluded in their mind. A couple of them started to get close to the seat. What's left? it is to see who has the fastest legs.
18 days ago in EWL
I walked into the train, heading from serangoon circle line to nicoll highway. I walked my way through and stood space where carriage are connected together. I position myself at ease and lead against the curly cushion. These cushion can be found in circle line train. All other train are plain flat metal piece.After a while, something caught my eye, i saw two hand holding together, they are seated at the side seat area. It's the mother and daughter, hands hold together.The daughter lean above the chest area of her mother.It warm my heart. I got the urge to take a photo of them with their hands hold together. But i'm afraid of attention.Instead i watch time through. I enjoyed seeing such moments, love connection between each other. That's family. Always stand by you, walk together with you. Secured the little heart of the girl with warm and care.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Stagant life
Sometimes, i come to a point where i feel that my life is very stagant and routine. I will feel very low, because there no suprises in these everyday life. i love suprises, i somehow just lack of the passion in the things that i'm doing. Work has been very routine. My weekends are also very routine. My current life routine comprises of 3 things. Home, Work, Church. I lack of activities. Generally i'm not doing the things that will trigger my happy spirit up. Happy moments are when i help people out. sometimes i help my friends to search for jobs on the newspapers, i encourage people who are lower in the spirit. This makes me happy. i feel the sense of fulfilment in helping people. Basically when i see people is down, even thought i'm not on high-spirit. i will still cheer them up. Encouraging people is one of my strength. I can give people the strength to move on. Of course at times i would like to hear people telling me,"I can do it!". Passionate life. Living out a passionate life, that what i need. Doing the things i'm passionate towards. Is it really helping people and encouraging people can make me feel the sense of fulfilment. Making a difference in their life? Maybe maybe. I shall search for my own answer. I also wish to find a group of people who is passionate about exploring the nature woods. Finding and searching for my own joy in life.
on the other hand, im always late for work, i hate it to the max. Whenever the clock rings, i will switched it off. When time is running late, i will rush to shower, to train, and speed myself to work. the consequences of not waking up punctually. I've decide for myself. Disciplination action towards my punctuality to work.
Wake up 6.00am
Morning run
Shower 7.00am
Leave house 7.30am
Reach workplace around 8.30am
I'm so tired of rushing from home to work. i will keep this in mind and keep it to the standard. Running in the morning will also make me more energetic for work, also preparing myself for NS and kicking away my sleepy attitude.
Time to sleep.
Not forgetting i always get my motivation to be discipline from this video.
It definitely motivate and keep me going and see how well i can live your life if i want to.
on the other hand, im always late for work, i hate it to the max. Whenever the clock rings, i will switched it off. When time is running late, i will rush to shower, to train, and speed myself to work. the consequences of not waking up punctually. I've decide for myself. Disciplination action towards my punctuality to work.
Wake up 6.00am
Morning run
Shower 7.00am
Leave house 7.30am
Reach workplace around 8.30am
I'm so tired of rushing from home to work. i will keep this in mind and keep it to the standard. Running in the morning will also make me more energetic for work, also preparing myself for NS and kicking away my sleepy attitude.
Time to sleep.
Not forgetting i always get my motivation to be discipline from this video.
It definitely motivate and keep me going and see how well i can live your life if i want to.
Self-Motivation
Where confidence is something that comes from within.
Don't underestimate yourself.
Live life to the maximum capacity wherever you are. Where every moment is part of learning. Mistakes are mean to make your a stronger person.
Discipline is the key to life. As long as you hold this key to life, what's more are the things that are unachievable.
Believe, visualize, work it out.
Don't do things against your will. Do things according to what you think is right. Lead your life well, because you are the leader of your life. Whatever that holds today determine what you are tomorrow.
Where there may be failure, but do not give up. Hold on, persist on, until you get to see the result that you wanted.
Manage life according, do not neglect any soul in the house, where they are who that makes you complete.
Way to life. The key is discipline.
Don't underestimate yourself.
Live life to the maximum capacity wherever you are. Where every moment is part of learning. Mistakes are mean to make your a stronger person.
Discipline is the key to life. As long as you hold this key to life, what's more are the things that are unachievable.
Believe, visualize, work it out.
Don't do things against your will. Do things according to what you think is right. Lead your life well, because you are the leader of your life. Whatever that holds today determine what you are tomorrow.
Where there may be failure, but do not give up. Hold on, persist on, until you get to see the result that you wanted.
Manage life according, do not neglect any soul in the house, where they are who that makes you complete.
Way to life. The key is discipline.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Letting go of your first love...
Of all, why i chose on this topic to write about, because some how i feel that i haven let go of it totally, perhaps a bit of regret to let go out such as a friendship. Every relationship started off great and welcoming, the immatureness of oneself or both killed the happiness and intimacy of relationship. First love may be the hardest to let go, why? because you pinned all your hopes on the person you loved, you give your all into it, ended up..it's just not the result you wanted. During the process of the relationship, the other partner might hurt you somehow, or you may do things that hurt yourself unknowingly. You thought of saving the relationship and you hurt yourself more instead. after a while, you thought about it, "i should have....",i shouldn't be doing....", "only if i...." etc. Yes, things might ended up with all the assumption you made after the relationship. but, it's over already. You might want to pull it back some much, but if the other party doesn't. It only kill your inner self more. It takes two hands to clap. You might console yourself and said:"never mind, its okay its okay." but you inner self is dying. thinking about it, pictures of the past relationship showed up in your mind, the happy memories...the moments together. Yes. you want it back so much. But its very much impossible, because it will take a lot of effort for the one wanting the relationship back. It's just so hard, because you don't know what's the other half thinking. my advice is to leave it, maybe one day you meet your past love one day, if both of you are meant for each other, eventually the relationship will take back to its road. or if both of you really love each other, the connection will be there. although I'm not any professional doctor love, i know many people went through this path, some might not be able to pick themselves up again, some never believe in love again. What i can say is, "It's part of growing up!" through it, you learn, you grow. I went to google for some information to let go of it totally. Yes. i really got one great article. will copy and paste the link below the post. i really think it helps. will paste the main information here.
1. Practice releasing regrets.
When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t.
All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.
It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.
2. Work on forgiving yourself.
You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!
Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.
3. Don’t think about any time as lost.
If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.
If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.
When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.
4. Remember the bad as well as the good.
Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.
As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t. In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.
Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.
5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.
Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.
Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.
The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?
6. Create separation.
Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.
It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.
You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.
7. Let yourself feel.
Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.
First you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.
Then you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding. Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.
Eventually you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.
You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it or write about it in a journal.
8. Remember the benefits of moving on.
When you let go, you give yourself peace.
Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.
Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.
When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.
If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.
You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.
9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.
When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.
You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.
10. Embrace impermanence.
Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.
The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.
When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.
Reference: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship-10-steps-to-peacefully-move-on/
1. Practice releasing regrets.
When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t.
All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.
It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.
2. Work on forgiving yourself.
You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!
Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.
3. Don’t think about any time as lost.
If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.
If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.
When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.
4. Remember the bad as well as the good.
Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.
As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t. In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.
Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.
5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.
Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.
Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.
The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?
6. Create separation.
Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.
It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.
You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.
7. Let yourself feel.
Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.
First you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.
Then you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding. Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.
Eventually you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.
You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it or write about it in a journal.
8. Remember the benefits of moving on.
When you let go, you give yourself peace.
Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.
Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.
When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.
If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.
You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.
9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.
When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.
You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.
10. Embrace impermanence.
Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.
The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.
When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.
Reference: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship-10-steps-to-peacefully-move-on/
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Righteous over Evil
Not trying to push Christianity into it, but i would like to talk about Righteous over Evil through this particular video. I saw this video in the facebook post this afternoon. I watch it twice, i was pretty amazing, it is that easy with to stop evil by saying this words to the robber. While i was walking home during midnight, i made a analysis on the body language of the robber, i thought his body language was pretty fearful when he was entering the store, therefore few words simply scared him off. But i re-watched the video again when i was about to post on this, actually the man walked in with full faith into the store and wanting to commit this crime, fearless and firm.
While walking, i thought of the words that the women says in this video, is it because she was firm, therefore the man start to fear of her, and retreated, or otherwise. But i thought about it carefully, on her part, she is firm, on the second, it no longer about her fighting the war, it about the words that she uses. In the two statement that she made, the main words that cause the robber to retreat,"In the name of Jesus" and "By the power of the Holy Spirit".
Before getting convince that it is the words that she uses that scares off the robber, i made an comparison. Let me create one more scenario to compare with the real scenario. A scenario of using this words and not using it.
Imagine the robber came in with the gun, full of confidence that he will rob successfully. He spoke the words of robbing, the women is firm, She spoke something like,"I command you to leave the shop right now, i will not give you any money, you are committing robbing, if you dare to step closer, i shall call the police." The women, without any weapon, wanting to scare of the robber by being firm and strong. There is a chance of her scaring the robber off if the robber is amateur. But look, this robber come with a gun, He has one extra weapon with the women don't have. He could simply fire off the ceiling and demand the women to give him the money. In such cases, the chances of winning the war is a bit hard, Because it is a one to one war. Only the man and the women. And man with a extra weapon, the gun.
And now let's look into the real scenario, The first sentence spoken out by the women, "In the name of Jesus, i command you to leave the store right now!" Watch the video carefully,the body language of the man,the man begin to stumble, wave left to right, and using another hand to support the gun that he is holding. The second sentence spoken, "I will bind you by the power of the Holy Spirit! Leave now!" The man wave his gun, and leave the store. That easy. Pay attention over here, She is not fighting the war, she is using the name of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit to fight the war. this is a one to two war, Jesus and Holy Spirit! Two against one. The man is afraid.
Jesus had overcome death, conquer the evil. In the name of Jesus, all curse shall be broken. Therefore the evil in his heart started to lose faith. Eventually left.
Of course i believe in that normal human are able to overcome such situation too, But it will be a one to one war. As there is this Chinese phrase "邪不胜正", in English translation, evil shall not overcome the righteous. It is true that in many situations that the evil one never win the righteous.
But with the extra weapon of Jesus and Holy Spirit, it will break all evil works and evil will start to run away. In conclude, there power in these two words!
Dis-claimer: A personal opinion of my Point Of View which regards to this video.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I'm falling asleep in office again!
My eyes are so tiring, the only thing i'm thinking now is sleeping. Taking a nap to let my energy recover, but cannot ar, in office. then i thought of what can make me awake, this blog came to my mind. lalala~~~ so now here i'm blogging. i feel not necessary to blog about society stuff all the time, can also write about my personal life and emotions into this blog, add some colours into my post.
So currently, things are moving in pretty smooth. usual life usual routine, but i'm bored by my work. The same kind of interface, same screen, same website, same testing codes. Just like when i'm doing my major project, seeing the same screen all the time. Cannot tahan ar.
i need to source my work-spirit to pull it up again. if not everyday i will be so unproductive. i like complaining like a kid, but its okay man, once in a while, maybe after all my complain i will get the spirit to work again leh? The same place, the same room, the same desk. looking at it, the word sian(sick) come out of my head. And this popular code that posted in facebook wall again and again. "You can't laugh again and again over the same joke, why do you cry again and again over the same thing?" just like random. As i'm talking, same place, same room, same desk. the picture of my room pop-up in my head, so warm and comfortable, that it, your bedroom.
Ya, and the feel to work is more or less coming back to me already, maybe my working style is work and rant work and complain. The cycle to get everything out of me. i'm listening to this song while writing the post, a very nice song by 劉德華-謝謝你的愛. old school music.
And i saw this picture wanna exercise again, i see someone in my Alma mater who slim down from fat to skinny. My gym session stopped for a month plus already i guess. Lazy again lor, my style. I need some motivation to train to be fit. till now still cannot find the motivation, but i dun want to go in NS for extra 2 months leh. lol. See how la. it always take the first time to make things to a success.
and i appreciated readers who appreciated some of the society matters i share in my post. Not every time will have such thoughts, once in a while,able to think well if matters are closing related to my life. that's it. 3.26pm 5 Jan 12.
Thought of writing about my driving lesson before i close the entry again, maybe after i complain, i will perform better. i'm learning manual driving.Clutch control,brake control,accelerator. Whenever i position my legs, it tends to shake a bit. i dunno why, but i still think that my legs position can be adjusted so it won't shake. And most of the time, because i dislike stopping the car and moving the car again from its stationary position because of the operation to make the car move. i always get reprimanded by my instructor, its like there obstacles in front of me about 50m, i still keep on moving despite the risk of danger.i'm still adapting to make myself comfortable with the manual control, because its like extra one step as compare to the automated car. The clutch. Nonetheless, through 22 lesson of driving, i'm finally stepping into circuit driving for the next lesson. finally. All these while i'm driving out ubi centre. getting use to it already, Turning left, right, U-turn, change lane, Stop Line, about there la. i use like 7 lesson to execute these movements properly. i guess after my circuit training. i should be ready to book for my exam. And i realised all those checking of blind spot, before turning, i execute them automating when i'm cycling, but when it comes to driving ar, another story. For all modes of roads users, i still prefer to be a cyclist.
So currently, things are moving in pretty smooth. usual life usual routine, but i'm bored by my work. The same kind of interface, same screen, same website, same testing codes. Just like when i'm doing my major project, seeing the same screen all the time. Cannot tahan ar.
i need to source my work-spirit to pull it up again. if not everyday i will be so unproductive. i like complaining like a kid, but its okay man, once in a while, maybe after all my complain i will get the spirit to work again leh? The same place, the same room, the same desk. looking at it, the word sian(sick) come out of my head. And this popular code that posted in facebook wall again and again. "You can't laugh again and again over the same joke, why do you cry again and again over the same thing?" just like random. As i'm talking, same place, same room, same desk. the picture of my room pop-up in my head, so warm and comfortable, that it, your bedroom.
Ya, and the feel to work is more or less coming back to me already, maybe my working style is work and rant work and complain. The cycle to get everything out of me. i'm listening to this song while writing the post, a very nice song by 劉德華-謝謝你的愛. old school music.
And i saw this picture wanna exercise again, i see someone in my Alma mater who slim down from fat to skinny. My gym session stopped for a month plus already i guess. Lazy again lor, my style. I need some motivation to train to be fit. till now still cannot find the motivation, but i dun want to go in NS for extra 2 months leh. lol. See how la. it always take the first time to make things to a success.
and i appreciated readers who appreciated some of the society matters i share in my post. Not every time will have such thoughts, once in a while,able to think well if matters are closing related to my life. that's it. 3.26pm 5 Jan 12.
Thought of writing about my driving lesson before i close the entry again, maybe after i complain, i will perform better. i'm learning manual driving.Clutch control,brake control,accelerator. Whenever i position my legs, it tends to shake a bit. i dunno why, but i still think that my legs position can be adjusted so it won't shake. And most of the time, because i dislike stopping the car and moving the car again from its stationary position because of the operation to make the car move. i always get reprimanded by my instructor, its like there obstacles in front of me about 50m, i still keep on moving despite the risk of danger.i'm still adapting to make myself comfortable with the manual control, because its like extra one step as compare to the automated car. The clutch. Nonetheless, through 22 lesson of driving, i'm finally stepping into circuit driving for the next lesson. finally. All these while i'm driving out ubi centre. getting use to it already, Turning left, right, U-turn, change lane, Stop Line, about there la. i use like 7 lesson to execute these movements properly. i guess after my circuit training. i should be ready to book for my exam. And i realised all those checking of blind spot, before turning, i execute them automating when i'm cycling, but when it comes to driving ar, another story. For all modes of roads users, i still prefer to be a cyclist.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Setting your expectations on your spouse or others
I was thinking through this morning while making my way to work. I thought of my dad being disappointed with my mum because she can't meet his expectations as a wife, therefore it resulted the way it is till today.I think about it, my mum not able to meet my dad's expectations, is it my mum's fault? Actually no, it is my dad problems. I understand that being husband and wife, you will expect you spouse to meet certain requirements that you desire that he/she is able to meet it to satisfy your need. But thinking about it, if your wife can't meet it, means she can't, you can't expect everyone to think the same way as you do.Then i was thinking, so how, what if this thing happen to me, we sure to have certain expectation set for our partner or may not have for some people. If it happens, how should i manage it? Lower your expectation or set no expectation, but that equal to compromising your self-expectation for others.
i was once such demanding person too, until some time then i realized everyone see things differently, we should accept them for who they are. Equals to amending your expectation. Revising it to a standard where you can accept it. Till now i can't say whether i will have any expectation set for my wife. But i think is not necessary to set any expectation, because all my buddy, best friends, friends, they come without any expectations set for them. if i can accept them for who they are, and they can become important people in my life, there shouldn't be any exception for my wife. I will still accept her for who she is. Maybe some might say, lifetime partner and friends is different. So what if you really expect your wife to meet certain expectation that you have set for her to satisfy your needs? but you don't want to end up in disappointment?
To continue with my point, i think my dad got to realize that till date, our family has turn to this stage, it is his problem of not able to manage his expectation properly. and he is the one suffering now, because he cannot accept my mum for who she is.
So i done some research, and i realize we human almost set expectation for everything in life, for example, when you go to IKEA to shop, you expect friendly staff to assist you whenever you need help, but if you encountered someone who got a suck attitude and who gives you the wrong information that causes you to go round and round around IKEA, This pathetic customer is sure gonna complain and rant all the frustration he got from our staff to the manager.This happen in IKEA occasionally.(Anyway just a little joke and memories for my IKEA friends. haha.)
According to the research, 3 steps to set your expectation on people.
Step 1: Define a list of expectation you have for this person.
Step 2: Support your expectations with evidences of why this person can meet up to your expectation. (if you cannot find any evidence to support, you realized that you are setting it too high, if you can find evidence and support, good for you.) And you realized step 2 is like social-studies!
Step 3: Revise your expectation, if you have setting it too high.
Yes.that it!
To conclude, People got to realized everyone is different, we can't expect everyone to think the same way as us, see the same way as we do. Accept them for who they are!
References to the research: http://www.tipsonhealthyliving.com/health-and-wellness/are-your-expectations-out-of-line-with-reality
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