我把爱都放在里面，不带走，你要等我，要等我。
心里好多想发和想做的事情，但又觉得做出来的不够完美，想把他变完美但又有点不知道是那里不足。
我的内心就好像刚发动的引擎，走到五十公里，想开快点但不能在快，要关掉引擎也不行，因为已经发动了。
需要好好思考，在继续往前走。
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
In a slow moving traffic
And yeah, I know the person seated directly opposite me is staring at me. My every movement perhaps, when I stare back, she looked away. I giggled a bit. Well, it's funny. Manage to grab this seat although my view is going against the directly where the bus is moving. Yeah, so be it. 736, I manage to catch this bus. Somehow or rather, bus 965 bus frequency timing is really inaccurate. There once I ran down from my unit to the bus stop. I reached at 732. The bus came at 740+. I'm late for many times. 5 times in total, having work less than a month. Yeah. I might have just broke their highest record hit of being late in the shortest period of time. My trick to tackle them when I'm late?act fast, act hardworking. Less frequency of toilet break. And my whole day at work will be carrying the guilty emotions. When I'm early, yeah, act like a happy baby. Do whatever I want, of course including picking up calls and the things that required of me. Daily sight of expressway slow traffic. How to ease this? Sometime accident, many times slow traffic. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't blame them. I should instead reflect on myself and wake up early right. I'm not sure if i wake up early enough, seem like I need to wake up earlier and move quicker and earlier. My mind is in a whirl, pick this up from yesterday's 7pm channel 8 drama. My mind indeed is like a whirl, the problem with me is whenever I kinda get to know a new somebody, I will kinda don't know how to behave properly. That's includes of waiting for her to knock off whenever I'm feel like. And just spend that 15-20 mins chit chatting. And random chit chat whenever we are at the corridor. I always give advices to other people, when it came to me, I'm like, what should i do now? Lol. In a picture where I can kinda see myself in it. I always emphasize going with your feelings and not your thoughts. Thoughts are kinda pre-programming into our minds, it's give you the action and the ending product. But it's relationship matters, it kinda like a process of two person moving in. Not just one. Just two. In a friendship based, there isn't any movement needed, perhaps just that normal usual self until something happen, some will just cling, some won't. Simple. And now I'm still at TPE I guess, not even at SLE. How I'm gonna survive and reach there on time. I'm like so dead. Really so dead. I don't want to be late. I'm should have procrastinate when I was waking up and preparing and keep telling myself that there still time. :(. Life still have to go on, the most, a can later on. Chaos!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Somehow, somewhat.
I don't really feel good inside. My attitude sux man when they teased me. Kinda like a boss to them. I guess that why it became such kind. I feel the distance grow between me and them. I don't like it. I shall embrace positivity. Start communicating with them once more. Yes, receptionist may be a thing, but I also wish to have their support. Although it's only a few more days left, I wish to get back the positive in communicating with them. :( lesser communication and I start to feel the gap there. I want to close up the gap there. If colleagues are the one who brought me up. They should stay and not let me fight this war alone. If isn't fun without them. Embrace positivity! Embrace it. Start with meaning conversation perhaps. 
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Moth to butterfly
After several attempts of struggling, I decided to used the most effective way to exercise out all my emotions, the fastest, speedy way of letting my emotions and frustration out rather than keeping inside. It's like a cold blood species with the plain facial expression, I love to see her smile, seeing her smile is my end product. Somehow very difficult to get it, I don't know why. I sense the cold block of ice as her defending tower, it's kinda make of the strongest ice in the world, simple stones from the floor can't break the ice, unpolished stones can't really break it, it need some polishing and refining until it bright and powerful then the ice can be broken down. In the reference that you can't refer the stones as words, the words that are able to break the cold wall, in exchanging of her smile. Well, woman who smile is always attractive, just that she doesn't smile much. As well as you can refer to me as one who is not really good at refining and polishing, i'm not really good with words. I'm only good at communicating with guy and friends. A lady who I only know her for a few hours? How to? I know readers might few that I'm actually putting stress in myself, but actually not. My goal is to see her smiling to me. Pick up lines, I'm neither good, teasing coming in certain condition. I don't know about it. It's isn't about like, it's isn't about love, it's about the communication. I kinda overdo I guess, but pulling back might be time wasting, pushing forward might not be effective. How ar how? May I hope that something can come upon the base foundation of relationship. While typing I'm hoping to find solution, but I didn't got that, but rather, the peace that I receive after i release every emotion. The thought of entering a new relationship but the stuff process of getting to gain the trust of the other party. How to make it easy nah. Might this fear of rejection and unsuccessful be taken away. :) (: smile more and smile to overcome the negative emotions. 
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Love
This love I gonna talk about in particular is boy-girl relationship. The meeting of two people. Many love dramas that I've watched. Often true like it seems to be. Two random people just fall in love unexpectedly. Without planning, without motive, just as simple and innocent just it is. You know it, when it comes, the rush of emotions, the release of the endorphins, make you feel like a little boy filled with excitement seeing that little girl in ribbon bow tie on her hair, he smiles in his own silly notion. Hehehe:D just like this, as you imagine the boy holding the candy lollipop in his hands, wearing smart attire with suspender with the hair comb to the side, side parting and the shiny hair. He walks forwards to the girl and smiles to her, "this lollipop is for you", the girl smiles back and take the lollipop in her hands and they smile to each other.Simple act, but indeed, but that's how love should be, the heart that you have for her. I watched 海派甜心 first 6 episode today, it's bring me to a new origin of love. Without plan, without motive, not how the society view it. I can boldly say, I haven met just person yet, she has yet to appear, just got a feeling, she definitely is popular within the guys, with a great sweet smile. I got this data from the first crush that I got in my primary school. She captured my soul, to me, whenever I saw her, it's just like princess from above, that sweet smile and the natural brown hair that everyone doesn't have. One-sided love isn't that bad at that time. It's just pure, I want the best for her, she smiles, I'm happy. That mini school bus that we sat in the morning, and the long bus that we sat in the afternoon. Her back view is what I'm always seeing, that long brownish pony tail, with her smart ironed school uniform. Soft-spoken of her and exceptionally shy in her gesture and expression. All that it is, the last few occasional I saw her is at a bus stop and in a bus after we graduated. At the bus stop when I was waiting for bus to interchange to change bus to go my secondary school, early in the morning, 5 plus am, she wore the blue uniform, girl guide uniform, the last time is at bus 62, it's passes by yuying sec, she went up the bus, she saw me, and the moments just pass when I alighted. And the chapter closes when I didn't manage to find her facebook, her name, Joanna Chew Ann Na. I literally type in the search bar and click on every pages, but no valid. I guess now if I'm to search again, it's will be much more easier, become I have my friends who are in yuying secondary before. At these point searching for her profile, the core is to see how she is doing now. That's it. 那些年我喜欢过的女生.
Friday, May 11, 2012
The beginning and the end
He doesn't know how to do it, basically when he see her, his mind will go empty, he doesn't know how to bring the conversation in a new level,the next level. Maybe she doesn't feel the same as the guy does, but the theory says, "it's doesn't matter how she feels about you, most importantly is how you feel about her" smiling in joy and happiness while typing these lines. The only thing they does, or in fact, he does, is to give greeting. When he saw her, and when he is leaving. He want things to get going, at least a basic conversation. But he can't seem to do it whenever he sees her. Just so the smile that she gave make his day happier. When a girl smile to a guy, the guy is on cloud9. As simple as that. Randomly type this quote. Why he is pushing so hard to make it a higher level is because his time is running out, really running out, his timespan of two weeks. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. He needs to consult his friends for more aids. Talkative as he can be, but became a silent cat when she there. That's the change. The screwdriver screw up just at that point in time. That's about it. One things about blogging, you clog the moment, the thoughts, the everything that is in place in that moment. 
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